A Mirror of the Eyes
by chichirichick
Summary: I can't make a summary, since it'll give it away Just read it, pretty please?
1. Default Chapter

"What time is it?"

She stopped her ramblings abruptly, letting the silence sit for only a second before sucking in air for another reply. "It's 4:00. As I was saying..."

He sighed deeply, her hardly noticing as he did so. The darkness had been leaving him strangely empty, but he had enjoyed the silence and the laying for about six hours now. There was no purpose to getting up, since neither hunger nor persons had bothered him, except for the recent phone call. Even the darkness couldn't conquer his mind though, and he'd lacked sleep for a week. The last time he could actually sleep was when he fell asleep in the meadow... but that was never going to happen again.

The dream was something only created in a mind of a madman, and he supposed that, in that case, it fit him very well. There was a glowing, lava purgatory in which he sat in the middle, sitting upon what seemed like a cold mirror of ice. He never questioned why it hadn't melted and plunged him into the depths of the hell that lie beneath, or the hell he supposed waited there for him. Looking down in the dream was probably the worse, and always the point at which he would awaken. There, in that mirror of ice, was a pasty, gray-skinned being, hollow sockets at the placement of the eyes.

"And the eyes are the windows of the soul, something I must not have."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

She continued.

He could have very well hung up the phone, leaving her there talking to only herself, and it would have mimicked all of their conversations for the past 3 months. The conversations became more and more tedious for him, and he considered just changing his phone number in some attempt to get away. _Sadly enough, if I did that, she'd be more frequent with visiting._

There was a faint knocking on the wall, a constant _plunk, plunk, plunk_, instantly sending the young man into a standing position. He hung up immediately, not even warning the girl on the other end that their one-sided conversation was now officially over. After the phone was decently placed on it's mate, the young man charged for the door, opening it quickly. "You!" he shouted rather indifferently.

"Hello! Mommy's allowed me to play!"

"Really?" he seemed uninterested, but still stood in the doorway.

"Will you play, Heiji?"

"I always do."

The little child, probably no older than five, ran full speed back down the hallway, avoiding crashing into the young man by a foot. "We can play with the Gundams today!"

He almost wanted to laugh, how they had commercialized their whole endeavor, yet still forgotten those heroes that they had so long ago. Instead, a sad attempt at a sigh escaped his lips as he shook his head slowly. "I don't like Gundams."

The little boy made a whine. "Fine, we'll play with the blocks instead..."

"Fine."

The boy ran off, making a small racket around the corner. He emerged pulling along a wooden cart full to the brim with what seemed to be building blocks. They sat in the middle of the hallway floor, ignoring the many dust bunnies that immediately attacked their clothing. "You don't mind playing, Heiji, do you?" his voice was high, afraid of the answer.

"Not at all."

"Good!" The blocks fell like a flood across the floor as the young boy dumped them out. His looked at the young man expectantly, his eyes wide and bright.

"Your eyes remind me of some one's," the young man murmured quietly.

"You always say that!" The little boy tugged at one eyelid, rubbing it slowly.

"I know." Another sigh escaped his lips.

"What's the person's name, Heiji?"

The young man's ears perked. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wanna know."

"His name was Trowa."

The little boy blinked. "I know a Trowa!"

A frown spread easily across the young man's face. "It's not the same Trowa."

"Why not?" The boy looked perplexed.

The young man seemed to ponder it a moment, before replying. His brow furrowed a little, making him look rather brooding. "He's dead."

"Oh," the little boy moved his attention to the blocks. "Well, my Trowa's not dead."

A call came from the corner, only hitting the little boy's ears.

"That your mom?"

"It is!" The little boy immediately struck up, running for the hallway.

"James!" He called to the little boy, getting his attention. "I'll bring the blocks by later."

"Thank you, Heiji!"

--

"Heiji!"

Heiji stopped short, taking two steps backwards out of his doorway. He stared blankly at the little boy standing in the hallway.

"Come out with me!"

He raised an eyebrow, looking the child up and down for a moment. "Not today, James."

"Please?" The look of complete and utter innocent crossed the tiny boy's face, his features of guilt being intensified a million times.

The young man wasn't susceptible to the disease of pity, but he lacked the willpower to break the poor child's heart; as if he cared about that anyway. "Where to?"

"Just around the block! Momma said I couldn't go by myself."

"Your mother doesn't know me, won't she be a little annoyed by a stranger, James?" Maybe that would be his excuse, not having the mother want him to go with the child.

"Poppa said I could go with you."

He stared at the child, slightly bewildered. "Your father doesn't know me either."

"He's heard me talk about you, Heiji, silly."

_Lenient parents._ "Lets go, then."

The little boy ran into his this time, clutching onto his leg for a moment. "Thank you, Heiji!"

His eyes widened for a moment, his jaw dropping. "...you're welcome..."

James grabbed his hand tightly, swinging their connected hands together. Heiji hit the elevator button and awaited its opening, feeling his hand being involuntarily swung by the tiny boy. The ding awoke the little boy's spunk, allowing him to pull the taller, more muscular young man straight into the elevator. "Only for a little, though, James."

The door closed on the two of them, confining them in the tiny box that the apartment building had labeled as an elevator. Heiji felt slightly uncomfortable, the space almost as tight as the feeling about his throat. "Is that lady coming to visit today?" He looked down at the blacked-haired mop that was attached to the boy, slowing see his face revealed as he looked up anxiously.

"Lady?"

"You know, the pretty one. The one that comes to visit you a lot."

"When do you see her?"

"All the time. She comes to see you a lot."

"Yes, but not today." He let out a rather large sigh. "I already saw her today."

"Heiji, is she your wife?"

The young man actually expelled a laugh, making the little one look confused. "Of course not."

"She seems like it."

"Well, she's not. Don't get those dumb ideas in your head." The little child's smile faded a little, and Heiji felt a pain constrict in his chest. _Damn, I shouldn't have been the tiniest bit cruel to him._

"I'm sorry, Heiji, don't be angry, please?"

Heiji used his other hand, sending the mop of hair array with it. "I'm not, doing worry."

"Good!" The elevator lunged one last time, jerking the two of them forward the slightest bit. The door opened to another blank, green hallway, a twin to the one upstairs. They walked down the mimicking hallway and out to the street, busily working with people. It was like one big creature, people of all sorts making a long string down each sidewalk, but then again, to Heiji, they all looked the same.

"It's busy today."

"Momma says there's some kind of parade today. My uncle's in it."

"Really?" Heiji didn't seem to interested, but James knew it meant that he'd like to hear the story about it, no matter how unenthused he seemed.

"Yes! Momma would be in it, too, but my baby sister's in her tummy, so she can't risk anything she says. I wouldn't mind, I don't want a baby sister anyway. My uncle says it'll be nice to have another little baby. He says he likes them, but won't have any of his own..."

The little boy went on, chattering up a storm not unlike the one he heard over the phone every day. He was appreciating the discussion, finding the boy pleasant to listen to. The people thinned out slightly as they turned the corner, getting away from the planned parade root. Heiji realized the child had stopped talking, looking up at him with wide eyes and an even wider smile.

"Are you going to see the parade today, James?"

"Of course!"

Heiji tried his best to smile for him. "Hopefully, it will be nice for you. Will your uncle be stopping by later?" _Funny how pleasant you are with the boy. You're normally so cold._

"Yes! Would you like to meet him, Heiji? I'm sure Momma and Poppa would want to! You're so lonely too, the only person who comes by is that lady."

He sighed. "I know. No one else knows where I am."

"Where's your Momma and Poppa?"

He looked down at the little boy, his innocent expression. _He'd have no idea if I told him they were dead. He'd understand just as much as he did when I told him Trowa was dead._ "I don't know."

James looked perplexed. "Did you lose them?"

Heiji let a small smile slip through. "Yes. Yes, James, I did."

He had hardly noticed the long duration of their trip, the streets that they had made their way down, and the circle that they are pretty much filled in. Heiji could see the steps leading in their apartment complex, and was once again struggling through the people that were crowding the usually empty street. "Damn parade," he muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, James. Time to go in, isn't it?"

"Yeah! Momma will be waiting, and probably Uncle, too."

"And I'll be meeting them?"

"You have to." James nodded thoroughly, looking as if he were completely sure.

Heiji kept silent as they walked back into the elevator and waited for it to slowly chug its way up to their floor. It finally opened. James relaxed his hand, allowing Heiji's long imprisoned hand a breath of fresh air. He toddled off down the hallway, his little feet making soft _thuds_ had they hit the old wooden floor. Heiji waited to see the little body move around the cover before adventuring back to his door, and into his own apartment.

The message light blinked on his answering machine, a small lighthouse out in the darkness of the room. He kept it pitch black for almost most of the day, except for midday, where the sun found its way to shine through no matter what. He found himself yearning to clean up, supposedly wanting to look nice for the new people venturing into his life. _A man who hadn't slept in a week must not look handsome in the least... But why will I need to impress them? I don't want them taking away James._

He scoffed at himself for being sentiment like that about the young boy. After a while of internal arguing, he made his way to the shower, cleaning himself meticulously. He emerged a short fifteen minutes later, half dressed, toweling his hair harshly, throwing brown locks here and there in their normal unruly pattern. He dropped the towel around his neck and shoulders, taking a deep relaxing breath, acting as if he had actually found a moment of peace.

The phone rang sharply, as if to shatter any hope of relaxation for him. "Hello?"

"What happened before?"

"Nothing. Company."

"Oh! Was it Trowa?"

The young man thought for a moment, bewildered. "No, why?"

"He came by recently, asking where you were. I told him your new address. I hope you don't mind. He was rather surprised, actually. He said he'd been there a million times, but never ever saw you lurking the halls. I started telling him..."

Heiji listened as she babbled along again. Suddenly, the little _thuds_ started echoing again, making him sigh, quickly slamming down the phone on it's receiver. "Screw," he muttered through clenched teeth.

"Heiji!" The little knocking came to the door, not displaying the true excitement of the boy on the other side. "Heiji, he's here!"

"Really?" Heiji raised his voice so it would echo to the young man as he walked towards the door. He felt a little ashamed for not being fully, dressed, but shrugged it off. It was just another man, it wasn't anything he wouldn't have seen already. He opened the door slowly, seeing the little boy anxiously bouncing up and down.

"Yeah! Stay right there!" James ran from view for a moment, talking quietly to some unseen figure in the hallway.

Heiji stood completely still in the doorframe.

James came back, his hand hugged tightly in another young man's.

"Hello-" Heiji gasped, quickly hiding it.

The other brunette young man widened his eyes, his mouth dropping a little. "Heero?"


	2. Chapter 2

--

They sat at the dinner table, all of them silent except for the little boy's ramblings. Cathy and her husband, named something like Gary or George, something with a G, were sitting on one side of the table along with Trowa, Heiji, or now revealed as Heero, and James sitting on the other. Cathy hadn't had quite a pleasant surprise realizing that her son's playmate was none other than the "insane, suicidal pilot." She had spent a good time ranting about him as he hid slightly behind Trowa, who tried to calm his sister down.

_So we did know the same Trowa._ Heero looked up slowly from his food, barely listening to his little companion, meeting the green eyes as they struck deeply into his own. _He's staring at me. Trowa's looking at me._

Trowa didn't break the gaze but sat there, staring at him almost sternly. "Cathy," he finally spoke up, spooking James a little as he realized that some one else had actually begun to talk, "Could you excuse Heero and I?"

"Uncle Trowa, his name's not Heero!" James chimed in.

Trowa flashed a smile at his nephew. "James, it's just a nickname, don't worry about me calling him Heero, he knows I'm talking to him."

"Oh, okay." The little boy quieted back down, looking at his plate.

"Fine," Cathy said irritably, still cross about Heero.

Trowa stood from his chair and walked to the other side of the table, standing almost behind Heero's chair. Words were left completely unsaid, making Heero feel as if Trowa was breathing down his neck. He finally pushed out his chair, slowly, and stood up. It seemed as if it had taken forever just to reach the door of the apartment, an eerie feeling gripping Heero as Trowa walked behind him the whole way. His fingers gripped tightly around the knob, feeling it resist a little as he turned it. The door swung open slightly and he slipped through, making just enough room for himself. Trowa followed.

"What are you doing here?" Heero's voice broke through the silence that Trowa seemed to have created since they left the dinner table.

"Better question is why are you here?"

"Your nephew, James."

"What about him?"

"I thought I already had to go through this with Catherine."

"_I_ had to go through this with Cathy. Now, you're going through this with me."

"Why is this such a big deal?" Heero turned so not to look at him, feeling the anguish building up in his throat, like the tightness of the elevator.

"Because he's a tiny child. No one would expect the almighty perfect soldier to play with a little boy every single day."

Heero looked at him, square in the eye. "I'm not that anymore. Just like you're not the pilot of Heavy Arms anymore, or any of us the pilots of our Gundams. Just because... just because I lived that so long doesn't mean I have to remain that way."

"But why him, Heero?"

"Do you think this has anything to do with you, Trowa?" Heero could see the invisible blood wash through Trowa's eyes, knowing that his words were the knife that had created them.

"N...no, of course not."

Heero looked at the floor, running the tip of his sneaker into a dust-bunny. "I didn't know he was your nephew. I didn't."

"That's fine." Trowa had shut off, his emotion put away now. Heero didn't like it.

"Am I not allowed to see him anymore?"

"Cathy will calm down. He likes you too much to take you away. You'll be fine."

"Arigato."

"Don't thank me," he sounded almost bitter.

"Trowa, what are you doing here?"

He blinked for a moment, trying to understand the reiteration of the question. "I have to be here for the parade, it's for the circus. I came to see Cathy and James and..." he trailed off.

"Relena told me you asked where I was."

"Did she?" It really wasn't a question, more a murmur of some sorts.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Heero laughed lightly. "Why any of this? Why not act like you didn't know me, and that it was just some odd person that looked like the old Heero Yuy?"

"Heero..."

"No, don't Heero me." He said bitterly, crossing her arms. Heero sighed deeply. "You should just call me Heiji anyway. I'm not the same boy I was."

"You're not a boy, you're a man, but that doesn't mean you have to change your name to make yourself feel better."

"Who said it was to make me feel better?"

Trowa walked over, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. "Stop it."

Heero lunged for him, his lips wrapping around Trowa's, pushing into something they both hadn't felt in a long time. Trowa accepted it, pulling him in tightly, gripping to the fabric of his shirt. After fulfilling their appetites for each other for the moment, they parted, both slightly out of breath. "Gomen."

Trowa hugged him closely, burying his head in the crook of Heero's neck. "I should be apologizing, not you. You know that."

_You were dead for so long. I even told your nephew you were dead._ "It doesn't matter." Heero rested the side of his head against Trowa's, rubbing his cheek against him gently.

He could feel Trowa sigh against his neck. His head slowly left it's hiding place and looked directly into his eyes, questioningly. His words remained hidden in his throat, confusing Heero to no end. Instead, he pushed himself out of Trowa's arms, pushing himself back onto the wall. "I need to go back."

"Where?"

"Back to the apartment..."

"Let me come with you-"

"No." Heero stared at him blankly. "Go back to them. Leave me alone."

--

His head fell back on the pillow. Words could kill, and he'd deadly injured the one he loved. He hadn't known how harsh the words "leave me alone" could be to Trowa, but he found out. There was a hit, on straight across his face, a punch that sent him reeling for a little. He hadn't realized why he was hit for a moment, and then he saw the frustration and anger in those green eyes, the ones that had caused the drawing him to James in the first place.

He'd run away then, like many times before, retreated to someplace, his apartment, where he thought he could at least avoid Trowa for a few more hours. There hadn't been a sound, at all, the room still extremely dark. Heero finally slunk into his bed, gripping onto the sheets tightly, tugging at each and every thread until it felt as if it would burst. His eyes closed groggily, still feeling the effects of the completely sleepless week.

It was red, purely and violently red. He was started to get disgusted by the sight of his own naked body, the dream emphasizing the scars and other skin deformities. The block of ice was the same size, the same glossy sheen. He looked away, hoping to at least save himself some sleep before looking into the frightening site he knew was there. The silence was suddenly broken by something. A _splash._ His body tensed. This had never happened before.

A fleshy hand reached from the red ooze, grabbing a firm hold on his wrist. It was brightly colored, far from the pasty gray his body was. He could feel it pulling, pulling him into the molten liquid below. _I don't want to go. I can't go. Don't make me._ He struggled slightly, but the grip tightened, the pulling became more intense. There was nothing to grip to, and the ice block was far to slippery to get an stance on. Heero looked down at his own reflect, just in attempt to save himself from the hell below.

He awoke on the floor, the sheets wrapped violently around his body, still slightly attached to the bed. His back was sore from the hardwood floor, but after such a dream, it was the last thing he was thinking of. _It's changing now. Why does it have to change?_

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Heero called from the doorway of the bedroom, now slowly making his way to the door. The light slanted gently through the shades, proving to Heero that he had actually slept for a good day or so. _Guess some one missed me._

"Heiji? It's JAMES!" The little boy emphasized his name, causing a smirk from Heero.

"Hold on." Heero undid the locks across the door, and opened it fully, expecting the little boy to pummel him as soon as he opened the door.

Yet the boy stood still for once, his shoulders being held by Trowa. "Heero."

"Hello, James," Heero stuttered, recovering from the very unexpected surprise.

"Momma said I could play as long as Uncle came along for now."

"Trowa, don't you have something better to do?"

He just shook his head.

"Why don't you come in?" He seemed a little awkward, rubbing his hands in each other.

James had brought a few of his toys, and he quickly scattered them in an assigned area on the floor. Trowa sat at the kitchen table, looking at Heero and his nephew. Heero had decidedly taken a seat on the floor, playing uninterestedly with the blocks that were in front of him. James was in the beginnings of making a castle, and Heero helped here and there.

"You look like you just woke up."

"I did," Heero murmured in answer to his question. James paid no attention.

"Your still tired."

"I haven't really slept in a week."

"Oh?" Trowa seemed worried for a moment, his eyes betraying his otherwise unchanged face.

"It's just a dream."

"Was it-"

"No. A new one."

"I see."

James looked up for a moment at his uncle. "Uncle, did you know Heiji from before this?"

It had been obvious, but they both supposed that he was only a little boy. "Yes, we-"

"No." Trowa looked at Heero, surprised. "The Trowa I knew is dead." Heero threw down one of the blocks, standing himself up, and walked into his bedroom.

James didn't say a thing, just went back to playing with his blocks. Trowa sat, aghast for a moment, letting his words sink in. "Have I really changed that much?"

"Don't worry, Uncle, he does this now and then."

"Heero..."


	3. Chapter 3

--

"Heero?" Trowa knocked on the door of his bedroom again, harder this time.

"Go away."

"Not until you talk to me, Heero." James had already been sent home, Trowa having been standing there for about an hour now.

"How can I talk to a dead person."

Trowa placed his forehead against the door and sighed. "How could I be dead if I kissed you?"

There was silence.

"Heero, just-"

The door creaked open slightly, revealing one small corner of a room. Trowa slipped through the door, not wanting to open more than his "host" had allowed in the first place. The room was just as dark as the outside, but there seemed to be no light switch to relieve it. There was a window, but Heero had obviously taped it over. It seemed that the "perfect soldier" had acquired some odd behaviors.

"What is it that you want?" His attention turned to the sound, a figure sitting hunched over on a cot-like bed in the corner.

"I want-"

"Don't say you want to come back. If you wanted to come back you never would have left." He sounded a little hysteric, falling into a more "perfect soldier" upset.

"Who was the one that really left, Heero?"

He saw the sudden movement of Heero shooting his head around with his signature "death glare" spread distinctly on his face, even through the darkness. "I retreated here, but you left a long, long time ago. You died. Just as I've said."

"Died? Heero, I'm right here." Trowa walked over, taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed. He turned on his hips, semi-facing the other man. Heero could feel a grab on his wrist, a firm hold, and a pull. His guided arm outstretched, touching Trowa's chest. "It's a heartbeat. I can't be dead, Heero."

Heero touched the fabric of his shirt slowly, his fingers gingerly straightening wrinkles here and there. Suddenly, he snatched his hand away, pulling it back to its mate, which cradling it and secretly envied caressing. After a few moments of recovery for Heero, he looked up at Trowa, who was now retreated his own side of the bed, head in hands. "Trowa."

He looked up, staring quietly.

"Why did you die?"

He closed his eyes, opening them again slowly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm not eccentric," Heero stated quickly. "Why did you become cold? What... happened?"

"It wasn't you."

"Well, what else could it be? There's two of us in this, and what else could it be other than me?"

"You said it, there's two of us. It was me."

There was silence for a while.

"Don't lie to stop from hurting me, Trowa. Another time won't hurt."

"You say that as if I enjoy hurting you," he sighed.

"Do you?"

Trowa reached out for him, pushing through his resistance. He wrapped his arms tightly around Heero, clutching him to his chest. "I love you. How could I enjoy hurting you if I love you?"

"Shut up." Heero pushed him away. "I don't believe you anymore."

"What, Heero, do you want the absolute truth?" Trowa blew at him, apparently having hid his anger until this final hurt.

"It's better than lying to some one and trying to make it better by lying about loving them."

Trowa stared at him for a while. "You were sneaking around on me."

"What?" Heero's eyes widened.

"Cheating, Heero, I know all about it."

"What? Who told you that?"

"Avoiding me, Heero. Calling her everyday. You hardly even talked to me the last week we were together. I finally let myself realize it and left."

"I don't understand-"

"What is there to understand about, Heero?"

"Why anyone would tell you that!"

"It was more than obvious." He had sighed, his face now in his hands. "I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe that you'd do that."

Heero scanned his mind for moments which would have made it seem that way. _God, there's thousand of things he could have considered... and it was about... that. _"Trowa, I didn't."

"Why should I believe you."

"It may have looked like it but there was something else I wasn't telling you, I just-"

"Heero, what was it?"

"I can't..." Heero moved further away from him. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

Heero put on a grim smile. "I'm too afraid."

--

Heero turned over the nightly darkness, much like the daily darkness, enveloped him, making it hard to see the outline of the other man in his bed. He reached out and touched the soft fabric of his t-shirt, not bothering his sleep in the least. Of course, Heero was the only one in the couple without sleep. _Couple._ He let out a huff of air. He couldn't call them that anymore. But then why was he in Heero's bed?

_I admitted I was afraid. _It was the universal excuse between the two of them, but neither really trusted each other further than they could throw each other. _Of course, after that one night, I know Trowa can throw me pretty far to get to bed..._ Heero chuckled internally. This hadn't been one of those nights though. After the extremely long silence of their "fight," Trowa had laid Heero down, and laid with him, for, in Heero's mind, no particular reason.

"You're still awake, aren't you?"

Heero watched as he turned over, his eyes being completely visible to him in the dark. "I don't want to go to sleep," he whispered huskily. 

"You only have a few more hours until daylight."

Heero was amazed by his ability to tell time. He had picked an odd koi, or what used to be his koi. He sighed. "Great," was his sarcastic answer.

Trowa reached out, running a few fingers through Heero's hair. "You really need more sleep, koi."

Heero hitched his breath.

"Too soon, huh?"

"We're not that anymore."

"We could be."

"Always on your terms, Trowa." Heero stated bitterly.

They stopped talking for a while, Heero just listening to the air as it passed between Trowa's lips.

"Damnit."

"What is it?" Trowa seemed a little surprised at the breaking of the silence.

"We need to talk, Trowa."

Easier said than done for the two ex-pilots famed for their emotionless silence. Neither had an easy time articulating their own situation, and in the end, though conflicts seemed resolved, the question of Heero's "cheating" was left stale in the air. Nothing was answered. He was still afraid.

"It's about six. I have to go." Trowa finally sat up from the bed, where they had been talking for the hours that Heero had left until sunrise.

"Where?"

"Parade again. Two days," Trowa rolled his eyes.

"Do you... want me to come see you?"

"If you'd like." Trowa was changing back into his clothes, walking for the door of the bedroom. "You don't really have to."

"I'll bring James with me."

He shook his head. "He's going out with Cathy today."

"Fine, I'll go to be with you, afterwards maybe."

"Alright."

--

Heero walked the streets, his mind vacant of thought, his eyes glued to the sordid pavement.

"Hey!" He felt the arm grab him, the smile plastered on his face.

"Trowa."

"Come on, we'll get a drink."

"Sounds good."

Next thing he knew, his head was down on the bar counter, his vision fairly blurred. Trowa seemed excessively happy, and he supposed Trowa was one of those giddy drunks. Sooner or later, after one more drink, they were both kicked out, now stumbling their way back to Heero's apartment. Strangely enough, they didn't make it there, instead, finding a deserted field in which to lie in. It reminded Heero of the field that he had slept in before, that dark, deep sleep just after he had run from Trowa for the last time.

Trowa had another burst of energy, causing him to tackle Heero, laughing all the way as they went down onto the slightly wet grass. Heero let out a little of a laugh, the taller man's full weight pressing against his body. They stopped, faces inches apart, laughing for a few moments. Trowa stopped, looking at him. He leaned in, practically swallowing Heero's tongue with a long kiss.

Heero pulled away slightly, Trowa still smiling. "You're drunk. Don't do this."

"I won't regret it, if that's what you're thinking." Trowa laughed again lightly, obviously still completely drunk from before.

"Trowa, I..."

"Heero, it's over, isn't it? The whole fight?"

"Fight?"

"Jesus! The one we've been having for the past few months."

_He's becoming delusional. _Heero let a smile creep across his lips. _He won't remember anything, if this goes wrong. It won't matter when he wakes up tomorrow if I don't want it to._ It was Heero's only time he could play God, be in control of what tomorrow would be like. "Trowa, can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

Heero fished in his pocket, hiding something in the palm of his hand. "Trowa, will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Marry me."

"That's not possible. Last time I checked, we were two guys. Isn't that against the law or something?"

"We could... pretend. It would only matter to us anyway."

"What makes you think I want to marry you?" He laughed, saying it as a joke, but still hurting Heero in the meantime.

"I just... I've been wanting to know for a while... I avoided your before because of this. I was too afraid to ask, and I hid away too much. I deserted you, left you before you got fed up and left me." The drink had loosened Heero's tongue.

"I see." Trowa seemed to have a serious moment.

"Will you?"

"Heero... god it's a beautiful offer." Trowa slumped down on Heero, his head finding it's usually spot in the crick of his neck. "Yes, I will."

Heero didn't believe it for a moment, convinced that the drink was talking for Trowa. He could feel Trowa's fingers sneaking into his palm, stealing away the silver ring that had been clasped so tightly in his grip. "Let me slip it on."

Trowa smiled, allowing it to fall back into Heero's palm. Trowa propped himself up, his one hand delicately placed on Heero's chest. Heero, his hands convulsing with the anxiousness and worry, slipped the ring slowly onto Trowa's ring finger, taking a deep breath as he did so.

"Relax." Trowa whispered, leaning in. "This is how it should be."


	4. Chapter 4: Closing

--

The red was overpowering, and this time Heero felt slightly nauseated. The hand had latched on, the fingers this time delicately tugging at him. _Why now so gentle?_ He looked at the hand, staring at it as it tugged to no avail. Then, suddenly, he noticed it. The ring on it's finger. It was his engagement ring. _Trowa? _ The tugging continued. _It can't be!_ He looked down.

His body would have jetted up, if not for the taller boy lying on top of him. His breathing was heavy, flustered, and he was sweating. The headache wasn't helping much.

Trowa picked up his head slowly, awakened by Heero's rustling. "What's going-" he groaned, cutting himself off. The headache was probably worse for him.

"Good morning," Heero said rather sarcastically.

"Hn." Trowa rubbed his head lightly with his hand, then stopped short, looking at his finger. He blinked for a moment, as if confused.

"The ring..." Heero cursed himself internally. He was supposed to take it off while Trowa was sleeping, just in case he hadn't really agreed last night.

"Heero, what is it?"

_He doesn't remember at all. All last night was just a lie._ "You... were drunk. You don't remember. Just give it back, Trowa." Heero reached out his hand, tugging at the ring gently.

Trowa snatched his hand away, looking at Heero seriously. "Tell me, Heero."

"I said you were drunk. Just give it to me!"

"Heero, what is it?" Trowa was more demanding.

"I can't, please, Trowa, just-"

"Stop being so afraid!" Trowa grabbed his shoulders, looking him straight in the eye. "Now give me an answer, Heero. Give me the right answer, too."

Heero's eyes widened completely, making his pools look as if they were tiny pebbles in a white ocean. He wasn't used to the forcefulness of Trowa, he'd never seen him get so worked up over something so simple... _Yet, it's not simple in the least. It's about his life, my life, our life._ "An engagement ring."

Trowa looked as if he'd stumbled, an odd confusion across his face. "How did I... get this?"

"I gave it to you, last night, while you were drunk," Heero sighed deeply. _I was a coward._

"Why?"

"Why?" Heero mimicked, astonished at the need for him to ask. "Why, Trowa? Why do you think I'd do such a thing?"

"I don't know anymore, Heero," Trowa said slightly biting.

Heero pushed him off, an easy feat now that both of them were fairly angry, or confused in Trowa's case. He sat up, wiping away the sweat that had accumulated from his dream. "I stopped being afraid, that's why I gave it to you."

"Afraid? Of what?"

"Of us. Of feeling. Of you rejecting me because this wasn't as serious as I was taking it." He sighed and slammed one of his fists into the ground. "You just always seemed to goddamn lucid about this relationship! You let me do as I pleased, walked in and out. You were so goddamn lenient! I just thought that it meant nothing if you could give so much freedom. Especially after how hard you could be on Quatre. I felt... so goddamn afraid I'd loose all that I had."

"Lenient?"

"Yes! You always just let me hurt you whenever I felt like it. I could leave and not come back for a week, and when I came home you were completely overjoyed that I at least came back!"

"That was because I-"

"And you've never spoken up about any discord other than just this week, when you show up out of no where and yell at me for cheating on you while we were together, when I have no idea what cheating really is! How could I cheat on you when you're the only one I ever feel with?"

"Heero, I-"

"And then finally you come back to sleeping in the same bed with me, being okay with me coming back into your life, and what do we do, get drunk! And what does that do? Give me the idiocy to be able to propose to you, knowing that, hey, if you don't accept, you'll be too drunk to remember about it to-"

"Heero!" Trowa shouted at him, catching the last of his sentence deep in Heero's throat.

"Gomen." He shrunk a little under Trowa's glare. _I suppose he doesn't appreciate me going on and on about how inadequate I felt in that relationship._

"We have to get a few things straight," Trowa murmured after a few moments of silence between them. "I gave you room. Why? Because I knew this was your first, and only relationship. You didn't know how to act, how to react, and I let you get away with things because I knew you didn't know better. I was slowly going to adapt you to the relationship, but then... well, then my 'discord' came in." The way he said discord make Heero regret ever learning the word.

"I'm sorry for doubting you reliance as an honorable lover," he sounded almost sarcastic. "But, your lack of affection, skittish behavior, and practically never being around, _ever_, leads one to think in such a way. You can't admit to me that you didn't act that way." He stared right through Heero for a while longer, making him feel almost completely naked.

"As for... what's been happening lately... I don't know what to say. I've missed you, Heero, isn't that obvious? And seeing you that day, matted hair, half dressed, same piercing blue eyes, didn't help much either. And no, I don't remember last night," he took the ring off his finger, putting it in Heero's palm, "But I will give you the decision whether or not it should really have happened."

He clenched the ring tightly in his palm, giving him a feel of deja vu. Heero ran the ring over and over in his fingers, looking at the plain silver thing he had picked up so many months before. It had been then that he'd given into the paranoia, allowing himself to drift further from Trowa. Everyday it was in his pocket seemed like another day that he became more and more distant. He twisted it again, seeing the inscription he had gotten on it. 01 & 03. It seemed almost impersonal, but Heero knew it wasn't, since that's what they had considered themselves for the longest time.

_"We're just numbers to them."_

"You're a number to me, too."

"Nani?"

"A number engraved in my heart. Always first. Always 01."

He could hear the conversation in his head as if they'd had it a moment ago.

Heero turned his head, looking at Trowa who was still lying on the ground. He turned himself quickly, straddling the taller boy to the ground, his face just a few inches apart from Trowa's. A look of surprise was washed over Trowa's face, shocked at Heero's sudden movements. He reached his hands out, caressing the sides of Trowa's face gently, never breaking eye contact. Trowa could feel the metallic ring gliding along his cheek, it now being on Heero's ring finger.

Trowa ignored the feeling of the ring, as he felt Heero's warm lips pressing onto his, his tongue so nicely parting them and taking it's leisure inside. Before Trowa could react and get comfortable with the kiss, Heero broke away, his lips a mere inch from Trowa's. "Gomen. I let my fears run away with me. I forgot how slow you were with me, just to save me from getting myself hurt. I guess I didn't do much to help you," he chuckled softly, sending more appealing warm air across Trowa's lips, "Gomen. Can you forgive, and come back, and stay? And for the love of God, Trowa, say you'll marry me."

Heero slowly took the ring off his finger, still balancing himself terribly close to Trowa, never missing a moment of his gaze. He searched for Trowa's hand blindly, finding it easy, though, with Trowa's help. He slipped the ring on his finger, placing a soft, slow kiss as he did so. "Please, tell me you will."

"I can, and will forgive, come back, and stay," Trowa brushed his lips ever so lightly across his. "And you don't have to beg, Heero, I'm completely your's. I'll marry you a million times over."

Heero collapsed in Trowa's ready arms. _I knew you'd be upset, weak, after that, Heero. I still do know you, I still love you._ He kissed Heero's forehead gently, cradling the emotionally exhausted young man. It felt good to hold him once again, run his fingers through Heero's hair.

"Arigato. Arigato, Trowa." Heero let out a deep breath onto Trowa's neck, feeling as if he were about to cry. "Ai shiteru. I love you so much."

Trowa smiled contently, kissing his forehead again. "Don't thank me, Heero." He held the boy a little tighter. "I just... love you, too."

--

Heero stumbled with the key in the door. "God, I have a headache," he grumbled under his breath. "God damnit!" He struggled with the key again, finding that it just wouldn't open the door. He wrenched the knob with his hand, out of anger, suddenly realizing that the door was actually unlocked. _I'm an idiot._ He rolled his eyes and sighed, opening the door slowly.

He put his laptop case down, slowly and carefully, still considering that old stupid machine one of his most prized possessions. Undoing his tie, he walked slowly into the kitchen, wondering where his koi had gone. Boxes were still littered here and there, mostly because every time Trowa tried to finish packing Heero would interrupt, wanting to do something more "constructive" than putting away junk from the random boxes.

He moved slowly into the doorway of the kitchen, stopping short just as he reached the door. _What's going on?_

"You're home." He could see the grin creeping over Trowa's features, showing the extent which he was trying to hold back a beaming smile.

"What is this?" Heero glanced around the room, a look of confusion on his face.

The room was dark, as Heero preferred it, but it glowed with the light of candles. Dinner was set on the table, something that smelled fairly much like Trowa had spent a long time cooking it. Trowa sat casually at one of the chairs of the table, but he quickly stood, wrapping his arms around the still slightly shocked man. "It's a surprise. I'll tell you after dinner."

He motioned for Heero to sit down, and he sat at his seat. It wasn't a quiet dinner, as usual, and they talked as they did about their differences in days. Heero needed to talk about things more now, finding a job was more stress that he believed that he was cut out for. Trowa did his best to reassure his koi that he was quite adequate at the job, and that everything would be fine for him there.

Trowa finally stood up, placing the napkin that had rested in his lap on the table. "Come here," he said happily, walking over to one of the better lit areas of the room.

Heero obeyed, slowly making his way over to the taller boy. "I suppose I find out what this is about now, don't I?"

"Well, I can't keep it from you forever."

"At least I know this isn't about you being pregnant or anything," Heero chuckled, making a joke quite out of his nature.

"How'd you guess?" he retorted sarcastically, shooting Heero a look. "Now, come here." Trowa grabbed him gently, taking the smaller man up in his arms. "This is important."

"Really?" Heero borrowed Trowa's sarcasm.

"Stop it," he smiled.

"Well?"

"I wanted to do something special, since we've finally gotten over what we've done wrong before," Trowa nuzzled his nose to Heero's, smiling. "And I wanted to ask, since you've already had the pleasure, will you marry me, Heero?"

"Don't you think that's a little redundant?" Heero smirked.

"Heero..."

"Yes, Trowa, I will."

Trowa reached into his pocket. "Then, you get this." He slipped the small metallic object onto Heero's finger. Heero stared for a moment.

"It's lovely."

"Read the inscription."

Heero slipped off the ring, staring at it for a while, trying to read it by candle light.

"I finally saw the one you made on my ring, 01 and 03. I thought this ring deserved one, too."

"_Heero and Trowa_," he read quietly.

"Is that alright?"

"Better than mine," he gave a sad attempt at a smile. "It's much more loving than 01 and 03."

"No. I simply did that because... I know how you hate those numbers. You hate having been a machine, and only being known at the _perfect soldier_. And I thought that way about you for a long time, but I know now you are not 01, you are Heero. Heero Yuy. You are my comrade, husband, and as always, my love."


End file.
